“Every day, I come by your house and I pick you up.

[chronovore]

I needed a flash drive and found one with a video file called Gemini Man on it. Oddly large file size without a set file size. So I plug it into my TV and watch it.

Turns out it’s a pre-slap Will Smith where the gimmicks are de-aging and occasional high frame rate action scenes. I don’t know if it’s a mix of both causing all the action to feel like those scenes in Blade 2 where there’s a digital double and they become rubber people. A lot of the action has cuts to first person scenes to be immersive?

The young Will Smith acts like he’s 13 but he’s meant to be into his 20s. There’s a bit where Clive Owen goes “are you hungry? Come on, champ. Let’s get you a bowl of cereal.” and the next scene he’s randomly eating a cone of ice cream like “oh boy ice cream!”. It’s so weird. Later he’s telling the lovely Mary Elizabeth Winstead to strip to check for wires, and he’s acting like Forrest Gump at Jenny’s dorm.

There’s another twist towards the end where a magic bulletproof cyborg man shows up and you’re immediately thinking “it’s another will smith”. And they turbo kill him (without damaging his face), and upon unmasking, are shocked to discover another will smith.

This movie was so crap, I felt like I had wasted my time even though I watched it on an 11-hour transpacific flight in a middle seat from which I could barely escape frequently enough to piss. 

Do you know how difficult it is for me to dislike a Mary Elizabeth Winstead appearance? It's difficult. Very difficult.