Journal of Other Forum Analysis (Volume II, Issue 2)

[Eric Cartman]

I am a black woman. I am also a moderator.

This bit of intersectionality has been one of the hardest weeks I as an individual have had to deal with in my life. Right now I'm sitting in my car with a cry-headache trying to leave to go to my brother's house. I barely have the energy.

It's been interesting to see both sides of the spectrum, where on one end my input in threads concerning black representation and issues is valuable because I can speak from life experience and knowledge, and then on the other end I get called a cop with all of the pain and irony that entails simply because I was the fool who said "yes" to volunteering.

I have simultaneously felt valued and valueless throughout this endeavor, and it's made me question whether or not I'm even a good person. I don't know how to parse the emotional toll, other than to just ignore it and make do with what I have and serve the community with the powe rand knowledge I myself have. Because I want this place to succeed. But I admit, my emotions have been all over the place.

That's all. I figured the most appropriate thread to open up in would be this one. To anyone who has given me and the other staff members a kind word, thank you. To anyone else who is dissatisfied with our performance: I understand, and I still apologize. Just remember we are human too.

I will be taking a break. I'm not leaving the forum, or my position, but I think I've exhausted myself to the point where my basic mental and even physical faculties are beginning to degrade. Continuing in my state right now is not fair to myself or to the people who want better.

I don't know how long it'll be either. I guess just long enough to bounce back. I love you guys. See you later!